Welcome to another week of fake tv love and rose ceremonies. Say it with me in Chris Harrison's voice, "This week, on the Bachelor"... The "lovely" "ladies" are whisked away to San Francisco for the next step in the "journey" that is the the bachelor. The evening starts off with Ben talking to his sister Julia (who looks a lot like our friend Sara, Sara now that we've exposed your double life, we are all going to expect lots of free wine!). While enjoying their morning drinks Ben goes on to tell her that he's developing feelings for the women and thinks that his future wife might be there.
Honestly couldn't the producers of the show give us something a little more creative than this canned dialogue that we see every season. For that matter the whole thing is canned and is an exact repeat of previous seasons, just with different people in the mix trying to "win". That being said let's jump ahead to the first date of the night, a date card for Emily that says, "Love lifts us up." (Don't make me break out the "On the wings of love" theme song that we had to deal with a couple seasons ago.) I just realized that I have now watched several seasons of the Bachelor... I must go hang my head in shame...
Emily upon hearing the clue about her date is both excited and terrified, knowing that it sounds like she is going to go someplace very very high up. A little bit of advice if anyone reading is looking at going on the show at some point in the future, when the questionnaire asks you if you have a fear of heights, even if you do, put no. Otherwise you're just setting yourself up for a day of bungee jumping, tightrope walking, suspension bridge crossing, skydiving, strapping on a jet pack, or in this case, climbing a bridge. A bridge that if I remember correctly partially collapsed back in 1988 during the big earthquake that hit during the world series.
Initially I was going to give Ben a pass at the "let's test the girls" bit, because it has become obvious that the star of the show in every season isn't picking the date. Every season it's the same thing, let's do something really scary just to see how the ladies respond to it. That isn't Ben's fault, it's the producers, but then after the way he handled the situation with Emily, Ben is a tool.
Emily scared that she might not be able to make it all the way up starts to freak out and there is Ben (with ear piece getting orders from the director to make her continue [not sure if there was an ear piece, but you get my point]) so Ben keeps pressing her to make it up the bridge and in order to restore her confidence he gives her a kiss right there on the bridge and instantly she's Spiderwomen ready to make the full assent. To me (and this might just be me here) Ben should have just told her that it was ok, they didn't have to do it, and allowed her to turn around and walk back down. That might just be me, but if she doesn't want to climb a bridge, don't make her climb a bridge. But here is the thing, even if Ben was thinking that, my guess is that he was just doing what the producers told him to do, because there was going to be a great photo-op once they got to the top. It just struck me that he didn't really care about her feelings, it was more about making it look good on film, and I have two more incidents where Ben helps solidify that, maybe three.
Next up a fleet of Honda CRVs (looked like a great car wink wink) show up to take the "ladies" skiing down the streets of San Francisco. I'll be honest, that's actually pretty cool, as much as I love to rip on the show, that was actually pretty cool. But then leave it to the bachelor producers to make something that is cool and fun and turn it into something trashy. Seriously it's almost like Donald Trump took over Disney. (If anyone doesn't understand why I keep bringing up Disney, Disney owns ABC). So we get to see the ladies in their skimpiest bikini's trying to ski down the man made snow, anyone else reminded of the show "Wipe-Out"? I'm not sure how many of them could ski and it didn't really look like Ben cared one way or another, all he saw were half naked girls skiing down the hill and wiping out on the asphalt. FYI ladies, skiing is pretty hot even without bikini's and it's a great work out.
Meanwhile at the hotel of tears, Brittney is given the key to the city, and couldn't be any more happy to be getting to have a one on one date with Ben. Oh wait, no she was actually in tears because she got a date card. As my wife quickly pointed out, she got the card because Ben was on the fence with her. You hear that ladies, you can bring your grandmother on the first date to get you in the door, but after that you're on your own. My wife had the more noble way of looking at it, I on the other hand saw through her little scheme... She was upset because if she didn't get the rose on that one on one date than that would mean that she'd never get to see all the wonderful places around the world that are "the best place in the world to fall in love." That's right Brittney, Ben saw through your little scheme and was going to be sending you packing. You had two choices, jump ship yourself or whore it up on the one one one date. And let's be fair she wasn't about to go whoring it up like the other "ladies" just for a couple exotic vacations, she brought her grandmother on the show for goodness sake! So she headed down to the group date and told Ben that she was leaving.
Ben was devastated! He could hardly contain his emotions at the thought of losing Brittney... Oh wait, that's not right, he didn't give a shit. It really was, "Oh you're leaving? Ok bye." ABC did their best to make it look like Ben cared, by having him sit on the side and contemplate the thought that this was getting serious and that emotions were running high for everyone and that people were going to get hurt, but did you actually believe it was genuine?
Lindzi was the lucky "lady" to pick up the rebound and go on the tour of San Francisco date. It was fine, no real drama there, I did learn why California is broke, they obviously are spending WAY too much money on building City Halls. And Lindzi told Ben about her one love and their break up story after a year and a half of dating. (Yep one love that lasted a year and a half and she's 28? baggage...) The quote from The Simpson's (yes the quote is originally from the Simpsons in the episode where Ralph is smitten by Lisa and she needs to break the bad news to him. Homer suggests the following line.) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population you." While it would suck in reality, I think it's pretty funny myself.
At this point I would like to introduce you to next seasons Bachelorette, Shawntel. WHAT?!?! OMG! Why is she there? OMG!!! A couple things, first, if she really wanted to be on the show with Ben (which she may have) then why didn't ABC have her there on the opening night? To create easy drama later on why else. Second, was there ANY possible way that adding her to the show at this point was not going to create an issue? So that leads me to believe that ABC wanted to use this opportunity to bring her "on stage" and remind everyone who she is so that next season she can have her own coven of men to pick from. Ok the funeral director thing is a little strange, but I think the strangeness that took place during Brad's season where she had him get on the table was staged for effect. Is it so hard to believe that the producers made her do that with Brad, which in turn creeped him out and caused him to dump her? Is this the producers admitting they might have screwed that up for her (for the best actually) and giving her a second chance? In Brad's season I liked her, if I remember correctly it wasn't just me. Also, she wasn't on Bachelor Pad was she? I think that would be an automatic disqualifier.
Flash forward to now and ABC bringing her on the show so that she will get dumped again on tv? Why? To make her feel like an even bigger tool? I don't buy that, it's a total set up. And did you notice during the commercials that they were looking for men to date the next bachelorette, last week was a general calling for people to be on the Bachelor, this week was more specific.
The one great effect that Shawtel did have on the show though was how she just exposed all the "ladies" for whom they really were. I can't be exactly sure who were throwing the daggers but if I remember correctly the ladies that Jen and I think are the front runners weren't getting their hands dirty. Instead you had the insecure bitches going nuts about her appearance. It was the ultimate reveal of each of their characters, one of the worst being the evil queen Courtney, and her, "See ya." as Ben was walking Shawntel out the door. I read online that some of the nastiness was edited out where Erika and Jacklyn made some even worst comments then what we saw, surprise nasty attitude doesn't get you a rose.
Now to end this weeks blog with two more things of note. The first thing was the comment that one of the "ladies" made when Shawntel showed up, "You lost." Really? I didn't realize that love was a game. Shame on me. What show have I been watching for the last couple of years? That is the major problem that I have with the Bachelor in general, it's not about finding love it's about finding fame and winning and losing. At one point maybe the show had some honest intentions, but I think those days are long past. How long can they keep the premise going that everyone is on a "journey" to "find love", be real it's about winning and losing and for some of them (Courtney) finding fame. Oh sure maybe a relationship can come out of the show, I mean there has been some success, but trying to weed through all of the obvious trash chicks makes the show a charade. Then again it takes all types, so who knows. Either way it's all WAY to formulamatic, and we continue to trudge on.
And finally, to me Ben doesn't care about the ladies at all. With Emily on the bridge it was all about "keep going". With Brittney it was "Bye". And with Erika passing out at the Rose ceremony, he didn't even react, he just stood there watching her fall. (Note to the producers: Don't put the rose ceremony on a balcony overlooking a 10+ story drop in the future) We got to see the ladies true colors this episode, and I think that we got to get a look at his too. Ben is on the show because ABC needed a candidate and he fit the bill. I could be wrong, but robot man just seems to be there doing what he is told.
Right now my favorites in the Ben Cup are:
Lindzi at 3-1
Emily at 5-1
Kasey at 6-1
Jennifer at 15-1
Nikki at 15-1
Courtney at 30-1
Blakely at 20-1
Field at 25-1
Sorry if I wasn't as funny this week, I'll try to take some notes next week, trying to remember and then write for a two hour show is tough.
Oh and watch Revenge, that show is great!
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