ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ Oh sorry, I dozed off for a minute, I was watching the Bachelor and I was drifting off so I switched over to check the score in the BCS Championship game and instantly dozed off. To spin the phrase, that was some "Must sleep TV", my God Disney how far have you fallen? Not really that far Revenge is on on Wednesday and if you are reading this and not watching that, uh what are you waiting for? Revenge is great!
But back to the topic at hand, last night's thrilling episode of the Bachelor. Through either a twist of sensibility of bringing the women to Ben's hometown as a way to establish some basic connections between Ben and the ladies, or ABC just going cheap last night, I'll never know, but I could see it being a case of either. On the one hand, simpler dates at this point in the "process" make a lot more sense than the 2 person caravel a couple seasons ago, but walking the streets of Sonoma on a date was just dull. I mean literally they were walking down the middle of the street twirling the amazingly conveniently found baton, which just happened to be a key to Kacie's past, SHOCKER!!! Did anyone else look at that town and think that Doc Brown and Marty McFly were going to show up with the time machine at any moment? Didn't it look like the town square in Back to the Future?
The date between the two of them was sweet and all, but it just didn't have that umph factor that ABC needed. So to turn up the emotions a little bit, let's rent out a movie theater and show a movie of each of their childhoods. For Kacie, ok cute, hehe. For Ben, seemed like a cheap way to generate some tears, let's show some pictures of his childhood and his dad so that he'll get teary eyed and cry for the camera, just to endure him to the audience a little bit. Do you feel cheap now? Not yet, oh you'll feel as cheap as Blakely by the time I'm done with you...
Speaking of Blakely, let's get to the play that the "children" wrote for the evening. I don't know what they are teaching in that hippie town but that was a whole lot of kissing and getting naked for a children's play, and during the audition, "Show me your sexy dance". You know I'd expect to see plugged questions during the presidential debates from students, I'd expect to see plugged questions from students being interviewed on how great the BCS system is, but to plug questions from children, no sir that's where I draw the line. Shame on you Disney, shame on you. =) I kid, I don't give a crap about those kids, they're probably rich living there in wine country, screw them. =)
Sorry mild case of the rants got to me, I was talking about the auditions for the children's production of "Showgirls". I have to say the best part of the auditions had to be watching all of the "ladies" eyes light up when they heard that they would be doing auditions for a play. "Oh boy this is my chance to get noticed for Hollywood." And then the disappointment when they found out that they were getting to dress up like animals and such. You know if this really was Ben's idea (which I highly doubt) then I'd think it was still a pretty decent idea, I mean if nothing else you get to see the girls in a strange situation and see who is just going to have fun going with it, and who is going to bitch about it on their blog (more about her a little later).
The audience for the play looked like a room full of people forced to watch LSU and Alabama play another football game, in other words bored out of their minds. But we got to see Ben get naked and all of the girls comment on how hot he is. Really? Is he? Honestly I don't know, and it doesn't even matter, all the girls are going to say it anyway, it's the first time in the season that we see "the bachelor" without his shirt on so we're going to get the canned responses to seeing it. And that is part of the problem with where the show is, everything at this point is scripted, or set up to have the same drama, more on that in a minute as well.
Let's jump ahead to the playhouse after party where Ben got to have his very own pool side harem. (Any question as to why someone would be the bachelor, that scene is your answer) Ben heads off to some private pool with Jennifer and she gets down to making him remember her at the rose ceremony with some hard core making out. How cheap do you think she felt after watching Ben make out with Blakely 5 minutes later and then watching her get the rose? Isn't that the greatest thing about this show, the girls throw themselves at Ben in an attempt to make a lasting impression on him, but then look cheap as can be when he then falls for the next girl doing it. So in answer to the earlier question as to why any self respecting bachelorette would go on the show, you got me, outside of fame, because most likely you're going to end up going home looking...
So Blakely gets the rose, then all the girls hate her, yada yada yada. Jen asked me, "Why do they always fall for the trashy ones early on?" Great question, I have no idea, but there is a trend there isn't there? You know if this were actually reality TV and you were watching a sociology experiment this would be pretty awesome! Instead we have Blakely saying that all of the other girls are jealous because she got the rose, not the real fact that she's a bitch, have we seen this before too?
All this in the first hour of the show, which for me would be enough, but oh no, we get two hours!!! Oh joy!
Trying to remember everything is so tough, because every moment that I'm watching I know is battling my brain's stamina. So how about that next date, Ben and model chick (I don't remember her name, and I'm not looking it up, I mean does it really matter, she's a shallow model from Santa Monica that thinks she is God's gift to the world. And for the record, God's gift to the world is Tim Tebow, how else do you explain him throwing for 316 yards in that game?! Seriously I think God was sitting around the table with his angels 20+ years ago and they were talking about attendance in churches falling because people were spending their Sunday's watching football. Then one of them came up with the great idea to put a preacher in the football games themselves and spread the word that way. And you know what it worked, now we're talking about Tebow and his faith and isn't that spreading "the word"? God works in mysterious ways, if they beat the Pats this weekend... REPENT!!!!!
God Damn tangents!!! Anyway as I was saying he went on the date with Miss I'm a Model and boring as hell, they talked, they played with his dog, they ate dinner under a tree, whatever... She got a rose, whoopie! By this point my mind had checked out on paying attention to her saying that she was seeing a connection forming between her and Ben, seen it before...
To the Rose ceremony/hate Blakely party.
our sophisticated Blakely (VIP cocktail hostess) was doing her best to serve up Ben a drink as often as she could. Butting into conversations, making sure that everything was about her, and then wondering why no one liked her. So later we see her crying in the corner, being ran out by all of the other girls in the house, oh poor her... Did anyone else notice that after sitting in a corner crying, that her makeup was still perfect? Damn you ABC, stop making shit up!!!
And finally, let's get to crazy blogger Jenna. Her winning argument to Ben was, "I'm more like a guy." Really? That's what you've got? All the other girls in the house are throwing themselves at him like rice at a wedding and you're like a guy... Actually you're more like a secluded crazy girl that has a house full of cats and sits and writes on the internet because you just don't quite fit in with what everyone else is doing. Why on Earth did she go on the bachelor? There is nothing wrong with writing a blog (at least I hope not /wink wink) but my guess is that when that is your title, you spend a little too much time doing it, and not enough time going out and experiencing the things that you're blogging about.
Speaking of too much time blogging, holy crap (Tebow forgive me) that is a lot of stuff to cover. Next week we get to see what looks like ABC's latest idea to shake things up, bringing back one of Ben's ex-girlfriends, keep it classy Disney. And some skiing down the streets of San Francisco, have to admit that looks kind of cool.
Right now my front runner has to be Lindzi (the horsey girl) after that, I don't really know their names yet, but if I were putting money down, that's where I go.
Until next week! Watch Revenge, it's awesome!
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