Enough about my pointless rambling, let's to my pointed rambling as we dive into the artistry that is The Bachelorette. First thing I have to say is that Monday was the first episode that I had seen all season so I was coming in with a fresh set of eyes at our contestants. So if they are tools, douches, or just a-holes, I don't have a clue, I'm going by what I saw in my one episode.
Our Bachelorette this season is none other than one of my favorite contestants from previous seasons, go back and look you'll see that I pretty much called her a pretty face with no substance, and boring as can be. Really go look, I'll wait... But what's done is done, ABC in their ultimate wisdom decided to cast Single Mom Barbie as our lucky lady this season and what a successful season of ratings that it has been! (ABC, I really should be nicer to you since you also broadcast Revenge, my favorite show, and you did carry Lost as well). Is it just me or is Emily really just blaaaa? I mean she's pretty, but that beauty really is only skin deep in my opinion. I'll try to keep my character assassination to a minimum, but in watching the one episode it just looked like she was working a kissing booth at a carnival, I know there is going to be some kissing, but to bounce from one make out session to the next in the same night just seemed, I don't know, a bad example for her daughter? Maybe I'm just too prudish, yeah me, LOL.
Kissy Face Barbie also is suffering from Bacheloretteitis, she is pulling out the worship me card, and the "you better open up to me or you're going home" bit. Ok I get that you have to have some traction in the relationships in order to choose who gets to stay but it just seemed like a checklist to me. And speaking of checklists, what is she looking for? I'll wager that she doesn't have a clue. Look at the four remaining guys from last night. You have Playboy, Pretty Boy, Crazy Needy Boy, and Beiber Boy. She has the spectrum covered this season, it's not like she has a type other than good kisser that idolizes her. I'd think that you'd have some similarities between the men, but they all looked as different as can be, to me anyway.
About the guys, let's get to some dates. In the first date with Arie, Question Me Barbie was going all Sharon Stone on the knowledge that Arie had dated one of the producers on the show. It was such a big deal that we got to see Chris give us an extra filler in portion of the show and and interview between the producer and Emily. Really? Weren't there more make out sessions that they could have fit into those minutes? Anyway off camera the conversation came up and apparently was nothing once they talked about it. Talk about seriously scrapping the barrel for some drama. In the future men applying to the show will be asked to name everyone that they have ever kissed going back to grade school, at which time we will dig up your 4th grade crush and create a scene where the one on one date takes place in the same city only for Chris Harrison to break in and have to talk to the Bachelorette in private to tell her that someone that the man she is on a date with had a past relationship with another woman that is currently in the same city (that city of course being the size of New York). I guess I shouldn't complain it's not like they had to climb a mountain and we got to hear another speel about "if we can climb this mountain, there isn't anything that our relationship can't overcome." only to not give said person a rose anyway. It could be even worse than that too, thankfully it's not "I can't think of a better place to fall in love than X" So thank God for that. What is the line this season? Am I pretty? I just want to set a good example for my daughter?
On to John, he had a girl cheat on him so he was quiet. Dude man up and get over it. Oh wait, Make Desperate Pleas to me Barbie didn't give you a rose either? Ok go off and cry some more. No really "Wolf" it's ok. FYI you're girl radar is a little out of whack if you thought that date was a 10. And I also hate to break it to you, that wasn't a date it was a therapy session, Emily was your rebound, looked pretty obvious. (Oh wait aren't half of the contestants on the show on the rebound anyway???) On the bright side "Wolf" I have a good feeling that you'll be the first one from this season to end up on the cover of Us Weekly that has found love after the show. Best of luck to you Alpha Dog!
And since I mentioned desperate pleas, let's take a look at Chris shall we. Kudos for laying it all out there in a last ditch hail mary to get that final rose. Bravo to you! There is nothing worse than traveling half way around the world to fall in love with a woman only to be sent home in tears in a nice car while you're being interviewed about what you think didn't work, but knowing that you get to go home and regroup with your family... Except taking said woman home to meet your family and getting them all excited about the thought that said woman could be your future wife, only to not be given a rose and then be sent home to those same family members to whom you just embarrassed yourself to. I mean it's easy when it takes place thousands of miles away to some unknown woman, but to do it right after dinner. Yes sir, my suggestion is to go ahead and take seconds at dinner, because you won't feel like eating for the next couple of days afterwards. You go Chris!
Sean... Pretty boy whom I don't like... I refuse to talk about the Prague Stalker who just happened to randomly find Lost Tourist Barbie in the middle of a large city. Humm maybe I shouldn't have been so sarcastic about my New York scenario before. I guess you really do have to take all possibilities into consideration when producing a show like the Bachelorette. Or just set up a crazy scene that could look good in a movie but looks like pure cheese when you know it's set up. They then make out, have a beer, and make out some more. With all of the making out I'm so happy that Eastern Europe has been Westernized, could you imagine how bad it would be if they had to bookleg lip balm into the country.
Justin Beiber, or Jef as he is known on the show. Actually I liked Jef, but that hair was just begging for a comment. In my opinion Jef was the best suitor for Play with Puppets Barbie because he was able to bring out a personality in her that none of the other contestants were able to do, which I'm sure will mean that there is no way that she picks him in the end, which is actually kind of sad in my opinion. Ok sure I like to rip the show, but deep down, really deep down I'm a romantic and who doesn't like to see people in love, well maybe not "Wolf" but for the rest of us it is a special thing, why else are we dragged to romantic comedies, because everyone wants to believe in love. And no matter how cheesy the show gets, the hope that people will find love is what keeps bring people back to it season after season. So while 90% of it is great fodder to rip apart, there is that 10% that is hiding in there, to me Jef and Emily is that 10%. Remember I haven't seen any of the previous episodes so I don't know how Emily's chemistry works with the other guys.
Alas no matter how well I think that Emily and Jef looked playing dolls together, she will most likely pick Sean in the end, whom she will quickly dump after the show. It might just be me, but Emily strikes me as the type that is going to find whatever is wrong with whomever.
So on to next week. I plan on watching until the end at this point. Heck it helps pass the time until football season starts up again, and I get two fan rings in one year. Go Kings Go and Fight On! sorry Shelley, maybe next year. =)
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